Movies

A disgruntled and somewhat disturbed US Air Force Major (John Travolta) steals two nuclear missiles by faking the crash of his stealth bomber during an exercise in Utah. Captain Riley Hale (Christian Slater), his co-pilot, barely escapes the attempt on his life and the crashing plane. With the help of park ranger Terry Carmichael (Samantha Mathis), he sets out to not only retrieve the missiles, but also to settle the score with Major Deakin.

Slater outputs a similar performance in a similar role as in Hard Rain, with Mathis as the female sidekick able to stand on her own feet. Travolta is, even though I don't like him, extremely good as the sinister and very deranged villain. Overall a good non-stop-action flick, with plenty of excellent one-liners to show that this is meant to be a fun movie. And it certainly is.

Lame flick about a man (Keanu Reeves) who fights demons in the hope that he’ll get into heaven by way of “services provided.” The problem, however, is that he doesn’t believe… he knows. The good part about this movie is that you won’t be tempted to see the sequel.

A huge treasure, three brothers and three map pieces is the gist of the story. Well, not really. One brother kills the other two, but hasn’t figured on his niece, the great pirate Morgan Adams (Geena Davis), wanting the treasure for herself. So it’s actually good pirate versus bad pirate fighting for treasure, whilst corrupt governor and his inept troops seek both plus whole treasure. Unbelievable action and uninteresting characters send this one straight down to Davy Jones’ Locker. It even makes Pirates of the Caribbean: DMC & AWE look good. Almost.

Snidely Whiplash has acquired all the mortgages in Semi-Happy Valley and then starts to salt the old mines and the streams with gold (under the guise of hunting vampires). The resulting goldrush makes Whip a rich man, since he now runs all the hotels, bars and shops in the town. Clumsy and somewhat dim Mountie Dudley Do-Right suspects all is not right, as it indeed isn’t, but is booted out of the RCMP due to political pressure from Whip. An excellent parody on Kung Fu flicks follows as Dudley is trained by a prospector in the finer points of being a “bad guy”. Needless to say, the hero defeats the baddie and gets the girl.

This movie generally receives very bad reviews, but in my opinion those people just don't get it. This isn’t mindless slapstick entertainment, because you have to concentrate hard on catching all the excellent one-liners (“The hero defeats danger, because he is dangerous himself!”) and the heaps of subtle sight-gags. The movie also has a very deep moral, in that even though what Whip does is good it is bad because it is founded on greed (much like our own tourism industry).

The few good one-liners cannot save this boring movie about a federal agent (Arnold Schwarzenegger) who must protect a witness and expose corruption within his own department. It's all been done much better before (and after).

A frustrated man (Michael Douglas) leaves his car on the stalled freeway and takes a rightous journey across the city to his ex-wive’s house to be with his daughter on her birthday. Along the way he tangles with various unsavioury characters and leaves a strange trail of destruction in his wake trying to put right what’s wrong with his country. The cop on his last day at work (Robert Duval) as the only person figuring things out is a good touch.

Irwin “Fletch” Fletcher (Chevy Chase) inherits a dilapidated Southern mansion and right from the start things go wrong. With the help of Calculus (Cleavon Little), Fletch tries to find out why a mysterious “investor” is so dead set on buying his land, runs off a bunch of rent-a-KKK, tangles with a TV-ministry and infiltrates a biker gang. Hilarious disguises and witty commentary make this a movie for more than one viewing.

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Glory is the story of the 54^th Massachusetts Volunteer Regiment, the first formal unit of the Union Army to be made up entirely of African-American men (apart from the officers). The film depicts the formation and training of the regiment to the fateful assault on Fort Wagner. An important film that is unfortunately badly made and cast. Matthew Broderick is hopelessly lost as the colonel of the regiment and is overshadowed by several less important characters played by better actors, like Denzel Washington and Cary Elwes.

That said about the movie, I can only further comment that this movie is also important in showing the results (albeit simulated) of inept commanders and the total lack of military strategy. Soldiers lining up to face each other and then shoot until one side runs away is just plain ludicrous. OK, not as idiotic as sending a whole regiment running across an open beach to attack a fort defended by cannons and a thousand rifles.

Randall Peltzer (Hoyt Axton) brings home a strange creature called a mogwai as a Christmas gift for his son, Billy (Zach Galligan). But beware, there are three rules that must be obeyed regarding the care of the mogwai: avoid bright lights (especially sunlight, as that would kill it), don't get it wet and, most important of all, don't feed it after midnight. Needless to say, things go wrong as the rules get broken and soon the sleepy town is overrun by gremlins. I cannot understand how it gets recommended as a movie for children, as the gremlins and their antics are somewhat scary. Nevertheless, it's a fun movie.

Gizmo, the mogwai from the first movie, is captured by bio-engineers with offices in the same New York City building where Billy (Zach Galligan) and Kate (Phoebe Cates) work. Needless to say, soon the building is overrun by gremlins. The fun starts when the gremlins get into the “formulae” developed by said bio-engineers and turn into all manner of mutations. It is obvious that the producers took a very light-hearted view of the movie, which intentionally can be very funny at times. Movie escapism at its best.

The premise of the movie is great. Jed Cooper is hanged by a mob, because they think he lifted the cattle and murdered the rightful owner. However, they botch it and Cooper is saved by a marshal. Taken to Fort Grant to stand trial, he is, however, cleared and given a job as marshal. On a routine assignment to retrieve a prisoner, Cooper spots a horse carrying his old saddle, stolen by the mob in the beginning of the movie. He confronts the owner and a gunfight results.

Unfortunately from here on the movie goes south of the border at full gallop, because instead of Cooper riding out for revenge, the story strings itself up in a moralistic anti-capital punishment rant. Needless to say, Cooper eventually tracks down three more of the mob, including the boss, and a very unconvincing assault on their stronghold quickly wraps up the movie – which bluntly ends with Cooper riding out of town after the last two men.

Bland, one-dimensional characters, irrelevant “action” scenes, and a laughable love affair means I’d rather rewatch Silverado - again.

The Nazis are showing interest in certain artifacts related to the legendary Ark of the Covenant. The U.S. Government asks Indy to investigate. The action shifts from Tibet to Egypt to the ultimate showdown on a small Mediteranean island. Great movie that has sufficient pace to keep the viewer entertained, although the story somewhat lacks in body. Recommended, if not required, viewing.

Indy and ensemble crash somewhere in India - where a small village is dying because their sacred stone was stolen. Literally a roller-coaster ride as Indy investigates the nearby Pankot Palace and uncovers that they’ve revived the Thuggee sect. Not really as good as the first, but still violent fun.

Indy must investigate the disappearance of his father, who was busy searching for the Holy Grail. Again the Nazis are the villains, but they must ultimately play second-fiddle to another similarly evil party. This installment is the best in the series.

Indy travels to South America to find a colleague who has disappeared under circumstances involving Russians and a crystal skull. A weak puzzle and an over-the-top chase through the jungle later and they find the city of Akator (aka El Dorado) to return the skull to its owner and provide the require just deserts for the main villian. Overall a well-paced action flick, but we could have done without the “personal stuff” and soppy ending.

In order to find the wife of a drug-dealer, a cop has to go undercover as a teacher of six-year olds. Only she becomes sick and her partner (Arnold Schwarzenegger) must on short notice take her place. Great laughs as the tough cop gets ripped apart by the little terrors.

Vinnie (Steve Martin) is a New York hoodlum who rats on his boss and is relocated to some small town (near San Diego) by the Justice Department. Barney (Rick Moranis) is the FBI agent assigned to keep tabs on him until the trial. Lame attempt at the fish-out-of-water (Vinnie), boy-meets-girl (Barney and the local DA), hoodlum-with-the-heart-of-gold (again Vinnie) story. To quote Shrek: “You want some eggs with that ham?”

Danny Ocean and ten ex-army buddies knock over four casinos in Las Vegas. Excellent performances and a humdinger of an ending makes this an entertaining movie.

Good remake of the classic Rat Pack vehicle, with plenty of humour and an excellent heist. Only this time crime does pay… or at least until the second installment.

The storyline involving Tess detracts a bit from what’s obviously a guy flick, especially since she’s played by Julia Roberts. But that’s just my opinion.

The premise of the movie is good, with Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) giving our crew fourteen days to pay back the money they stole from him, with interest, or die. This then basically sets the goal of the story... to steal the $97 million they're short. Unfortunately from then on the movie goes downhill fast. They go to Amsterdam, tangle with a thief called The Night Fox (Vincent Cassel, but nothing compared to David Niven as The Phantom) and a Europol agent (Catherine Zeta-Jones in the most bland role of the year). Needless to say, they succeed in the end, with an unnecessary soppy sub-ending. Although never really predictable, the story does leave you with that empty feeling afterwards of was this it?

The crew of The Black Pearl set out to rescue Jack Spa... sorry, Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) from Davy Jones’s Locker; Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) wants to rescue his father from The Flying Dutchman; and Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) wants... well, I couldn't figure out what he wants, but since he’s the primary villain he must want something. Lots of CGI later and everyone gets what they want or what’s due to them. Meanwhile, the romance between Elizabeth (Keira Knightley) and Will falters and James Norrington (Jack Davenport) gets conveniently killed off in a brief appearance. Utterly stupid movie, which is nicely summed up by one of Beckett’s officers: “Do you think he plans it all out or just makes it up as he goes along?”

As in the previous installments, Johnny Depp makes the movie. Guest star Keith Richards, as Sparrow’s father, is one of the few highlights. After these, the monkeys playing Jack are the best actors.

When nature refuses to give them a child, they give commerce a shot and adopt a child. Only they're suckered into accepting ... well, the title character. Great laughs as the terror of all terrors goes on the rampage. The laughs get even greater when the mass-murderer Junior has been corresponding with escapes and turns up at the house! But eventually all ends well.

The Russians and the Irish are both after a mysterious suitcase. After being outbid, the Irish decide to steal it and assemble a team of freelance experts to carry out the theft. As can be expected, things go wrong and the team is betrayed, by their employers and by one of their own. Sam (Robert De Niro) and Vincent (Jean Reno) decide to recover the suitcase in lieu of payment. Lots of car chases later, everyone gets what they deserve and the two part as friends. OK flick for one viewing.

Emmett has just been released from prison and is on his way to Silverado. In the desert he finds a cowboy left for dead and together they ride to pick up Emmett’s brother. They find him in jail, but before the breakout befriend another man on his way to Silverado. All together they ride and save a waggon train also on the way to Silverado. Just before town they part company, but must again join forces when everything is against one and all.

Lots of action, hilarious situations and dialogue, personal tragedy, loyalty and trust, and revenge make this an excellent movie. And it has probably the best opening ever! (Especially when the tale is later retold and Emmett concludes with an off-hand: “I had to get up anyway.”)

Alex Rogan (Lance Guest) refuses to accept his fate of living in a trailer park and going to city college like his friends, but when his big opportunity arrives it is beyond comprehension. It turns out the video game he constantly plays to vent his frustration is in reality a test to recruit new starfighters to “defend the frontier from Xur and the Kodan armada.” Reluctant at first, Alex soon discovers that this is his true calling and saves the day (and universe). Not much of a story really, but still an enjoyable formula movie.

A group of armed men hijack a New York subway train and hold the passengers ransom. The city has one hour to pay one million dollars or the hostages will be executed. A tight thriller, laced with ample black humour. They don’t make ’em like this anymore.

Machines have taken over. Humanity is fighting back. We’re winning. In a last ditch effort the machines send a terminator back in time to kill the mother of the leader of the resistance before he is born. An excellent take on the grandfather paradox as we send someone back after the terminator. The special effects are somewhat dated, but makes up for it with credibility and suspense.

An action-packed rehash of the second installment. Not only does the ending proclaim that Judgement Day is inevitable, but the hero of humanity (aka John Conner) is such a neurotic whiner that all hope is lost.

Harry Tasker (Arnold Schwarzenegger) leads a double life. Everyone, including wife and daughter, thinks he’s a boring computer salesman, but he is in actual fact a super agent for Omega (“The Last Line of Defence”). The story is about some terrorist group that purchase ex-Soviet MIRV warheads and plan to blow them in American cities. Credibility is gleefully tossed aside (to quote Leonard Maltin), which results in movie escapism of the best kind.